The She’s Brave Podcast

Is my indecisiveness a sign of low self confidence and self trust?

How might your indecisive be impacting how much you trust yourself? In today's podcast we'll talk about how making decisions and living your life for you will help build your confidence. 

How to Practice Self-Care In a Relationship

How is your lack of self-care impacting you and your relationship? Today we're going to be talking about how maintaining healthy self-care will not only improve your happiness and health but improve your relationship as well.

 

But first, why do we fear being selfish? Why is it that we worry that if we decide that we are important enough to take care of then there will be some negative consequence? There are so many posts out there that have to reassure us that if we make ourselves and needs a priority then we are not evil people who aren’t concerned about other people. Like why does it have to be that extreme? And who says we can’t both take care of ourselves and support others as well?

 

Ok, off my soapbox.

 

Onward, so what does a lack of self-care look like in a relationship?

 

It looks like changing your plans last minute to accommodate someone else.

 

Sometimes being attached at the hip and not having any time for yourself and your own personal interests.

 

It can look like always going along with what the other person wants and never really saying what you want and need.

 

It can also be constantly saying yes when you want to say no and letting someone cross the line over and over again.

 

Some other things that come to mind include,  not speaking your mind, taking the short end of the stick, and just going with the flow of how the relationship is going instead of saying what you want.

 

These are some of the ways we can betray ourselves in relationships, which leads to a deterioration of our self-trust, respect, and at times feeling like we can’t or don’t know how to get what we need in our relationships. It can feel like just taking what you can get, and who wants that.

 

So how can you take care of yourself in your relationship:

 

The number one thing is to say what you want and how you feel (cue scary music). Yes, so many people struggle with this but it really is your most powerful tool.

 

You can set appropriate boundaries, including saying no and letting your partner know when they have crossed the line.

 

Self-care also looks like you having your own goals, interests, and relationships outside of the relationship.

 

Please, please, please don’t forget about your friends and family during that initial honeymoon phase. They are your support system and as a bonus the time you spend with them will help you miss your spouse. Plus no one likes codependency.

 

Make time for yourself and hobbies a priority as well. Yes, I had to say it again. See above.

 

Other ways you can practice self-care also include all the usual self-care things like taking care of your health(mental and physical).

 

And as a final note taking care of yourself included who and what you will not allow into your space. So do not ignore or accept harmful, negative or toxic behavior.

 

Self-care also looks like continually improving yourself and your relationship. When you show up as your most healthy, happy self you improve the quality of your relationship as well.

 

 

Self-care is essential, not just for your romantic relationship but in any relationship that you are in. Without setting proper boundaries, independence or making ourselves a priority it can lead to unmet needs and losing ourselves and our identity in relationships.

 

 

How can you start to make your needs a priority? What support do you need to overcome the barriers that lead you to continually people please and put others first? I would love to hear how I can support you, email me here.

 

 

Questions to think about. How would your life be different if you took care of yourself and made your needs a priority? What has been making It hard for you to take care of yourself and your needs? What do you feel like you would have to lose to take better care of yourself? How might your relationships be better if you took care of yourself? And what if you did nothing, continue as is? What has been the impact on your relationships now? What are you wanting to change?

Examples of Low Self Esteem

Do you ever wonder if you have low self-esteem? Or maybe you suspect you have issues with self-esteem and are wondering if that true. Today I’ll be giving you showing you the sneaky ways low self-esteem may be showing up in your life.

 

I’ve struggled with low self-esteem for many years of my life but I had no idea that I had issues with low self-esteem. The way my self-esteem showed up was in these small ways.  By people pleasing, not telling people what I wanted, letting people walk all over me, feeling afraid to speak up and say what I wanted or how I felt. I always felt like I was the victim to other people’s wants and demands. I never really felt like I was getting what I wanted out of life and my needs often felt ignored or unimportant.

 

Because of this need to please and this fear of the uncomfortable it led me to become very avoidant. Avoidant of confrontation, avoidant of anything uncomfortable, avoidant of speaking my mind for fear of upsetting other people. I avoided things that were emotionally difficult for me which led me to becoming very passive in life and in my relationships.

 

And this pattern led to years of depression and kind of just going with the flow. It wasn’t until years of these that I had had enough, and I had to really confront what was going on. I wanted more for myself, my relationships, and my overall quality of life. And it was then after talking to a therapist that I realized I had issues with low self-esteem.

 

I was confused because I projected this perfect person who was agreeable, I succeeded in school, met my goals with ease but internally my relationship with myself was terrible.

 

So if your in the same boat I was in years ago. Here are some examples of low self esteem to help you decide for yourself:

 

But first what is self esteem: Self-esteem is the internal feelings you have about yourself. It is your measure of how much you value and like yourself simply.

 

Some examples of low self esteem are:

 

Inability to express wants needs and desires

Not knowing or understanding your individual  wants needs and desires

Feelings unworthy of love and respect

Feeling unable to manage and overcome challenges

Issues setting limits and boundaries in relationships

Recurring negative internal dialogue

Constant internal criticism with regards to appearance, success, abilities, etc

Second guessing  your actions often

Questioning other’s perception of you often

Self-hatred-anger and frustration about who you are

Inability to forgive self for small mistakes

Feelings of worthlessness or inferiority

Recurrent people pleasing

Struggle with assertiveness, communication or social anxiety

Low drive to succeed and/or having little direction in life

Inability to trust own choices and opinions

Overthinking and worry

Afraid to take  on challenges

Over apologizing

Difficulty prioritizing your wants, needs and feelings

Avoiding confrontation

Difficulty making decisions

Difficulty taking constructive criticism and negative feedback. Make take things very personally

Difficulty saying no

 

This is not an exhaustive list but it is a start. As you can see low self-esteem can show up in many ways. Some very obvious, and some not.

 

Sometimes we may have low self-esteem or our feelings of low self-worth show up in these sneaky ways. When we project this perfect image, this person has it all together. Our representative is what I’ll all her we miss an opportunity to authenticity and showing others who we really are and what we really want. On the inside we may feel like victims, unworthy, unable, we feel less than and insecure. Low self-esteem doesn’t have to be a broadcast, a big show, obvious to everyone around us. It shows up most with the internal relationship we have with ourselves, who we believe we are, what we believe we are capable and what we believe we deserve. And because of these beliefs, it drives everything we do, feel and how we show up in these subtle ways.

 

Everything you do, every choice you make is a string of decisions that add to your destiny. If this is something that you struggle with, I would love to hop on a quick call with you to hear your story and your struggles. I would love to support you in creating the positive internal dialogue and bravery-driven steps that will change your destiny. And if you’re not ready for that take a look at how you show up in your life more authentically?

 

What has your relationship with yourself stopped you from doing? What does that internal voice tells you you aren’t capable of? Do you want to stop giving that voice so much power? And if so, what would be possible for you if you did? Comment is this was helpful.

How People Pleasing May Be Ruining Your Christmas

Are the holidays stressful for you? And if so what makes it stressful? Is it the lines, or the gifts or the anxiety of spending time with that family member(you know who they are) who pushes your buttons? But mostly, and I know this is a strange question, how does your people-pleasing show up during the holidays? If you can be a people pleaser like me then the holidays may be especially stressful for you. So today I’m going to be talking about how people-pleasing can show up for the holidays and what you can do to take some of that stress off you.

How to Get Out of the Hustle and Bustle And Live More Intentionally

In today's episode, I want to do things a little differently. Welcome to my Weekly Wine Down. Where I give short tips to build confidence into your every day. Today I'll be discussing how to get out of the mental fog, go-go-go attitude and how to add more intention to your everyday life. 

How Managing Your Money Can Be Fun, Build Happiness and Empowerment with Jennifer Coury

I am talking to Jennifer Coury, a CFA, CFP, and all-around financial expert and wealth manager today. Jennifer has been in the industry for 40 years and is also a certified coach who works to help people understand what they want their money to do for them and how to do it. Jen has a completed different take on finance so you’ll want to take a listen!

Jen loves to talk about wealth and financial management. For her, it’s a fun topic, though she understands it can be stressful. When it comes to the differences between wealth and financial state, people often don’t think there is a difference between them, but it’s important to differentiate. Wealth is multi-faceted, and money is the vehicle that gets you where you want to be.

A huge question Jennifer tries to answer is how to make money less frightening to talk about. It’s about prioritizing your day-to-day needs and bills first, and once that is done, you can move on to savings. Make a one-year plan and realize that money doesn’t control you, it’s just an instrument. The most powerful tool you have is knowing what you can spend. Can that money help you elsewhere?

It’s important to understand your needs and wants when it comes to money management. That is the key to making your money work for you. Take into account your emotional needs and specific goals. Common sense and knowing yourself goes a long way in determining wants and needs.

Needs, wants, luxuries, and money are all individual. It’s so crucial to understand yourself and your financial goals. Small changes can go a long way to help you get to where you want to be.

 

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Meet Jennifer!:

Helping clients learn about finance, and managing people's wealth has been my passion for over 40 years. My expertise includes growing and protecting wealth, financial coaching, and navigating clients through financial transitions.

 

Connect with Jennifer!:

Email: jcouryconsult@gmail.com

 

 

Let’s Connect!:

Website: https://www.shesalivetothrive.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shesalive2thrive

Podcast: https://www.shesalivetothrive.com/podcast/

 

 

 

 

A Simple Trick To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

How many times a day do you compare yourself to others? Whether the comparison is how someone dresses, looks, sounds, how does it make you feel? Some comparisons can drive us to be better and strive for the things we want, while others leave us feeling icky, drained, demotivated by the feeling of never being enough. Because if we’re being honest there’s always something or someone we can compare ourselves to. And there will always be things or people that will be better or worse.

 

I want to tell you about A (this is a fictitious person of course). She is ashamed of how envious she is. Even though she doesn’t express it outwardly to others she compares herself often. Whenever she is around someone she feels is superior to her she feels worse about herself. She admires how other people seem to naturally have confidence, how tall they stand, how they speak with assertion, and how stylish they are. 

 

She looks at herself as a failure. She feels she could dress better, be thinner, be more assertive, more confident, she sees all the ways she lacks in comparison to others. And the more she tries to stop comparing the harder it is. She doesn’t want to compare herself to others but she can’t help it. 

 

She wishes she was more like them. Their lives seem so much better than hers. She doesn’t know not only what to do to feel better but how to have more of what she truly wants.

 

So the thing that makes comparison so hard for us is our brains. When they’re faced with two things they want to make one thing better and one worse. The trick to changing this is to first change your comparison to admiration.

 

Hear me out.

 

We can admire what other people have and who they are without having it mean anything about us. Logically we know that no one will ever be or could ever be us. No one can have the same values, life experiences, goals, dreams, personality. Just as we can not ever be them. 

 

One signifier of healthy self-esteem is to not be motivated by competition and realizing that we are not on a comparative standard with anyone else. Your motivation is self-expression and bringing your beautiful self to the world. And there is room for celebration and admiration of others. Here the goal is self-expression not in being better or worse.

 

I would love to hear from you. What has helped you overcome your comparison. Connect with me for a free consultation so we can dig deeper into your comparisons and how to break the habit.

 

When you stop comparing yourself you not only have a more harmonious relationship with yourself but you are able to see your gifts more clearly. And when you’re in this place of peace you are able to move forward toward what you want from a place of love instead of fear. Making it easier and a more free-flowing experience toward achieving your goals.

 

I would love to hear from you, what has helped you overcome your comparison? 

Managing Self-Care During the Pandemic and In Your Everyday Life with Amy

In today’s episode, I am talking to Amy Morikami, friend and fellow coach. In her coaching practice, self-care is the pillar of everything she does. Amy joins me today to discuss how she prioritizes herself and how she encourages self-care in others.

Amy grew up in Honolulu in a single female-led family. This has meant she has always had a perspective of appreciation, gratitude, and understanding of the importance of self-care. For women especially, self-care is often put on the backburner, but the pandemic has made people a little more aware of its importance.

While it has been a trying time, it is also a testament to how strong, resilient, and adaptable we can be as a people. As hard as it was, Amy felt blessed to have the skillset to deal with the sudden changes and help others through it. Amy lives alone and much of her practice is aimed at coaching for single women. Being able to work from home was a blessing for Amy, but she recognizes that many other people had difficulties arising from the structure change and the loss of personal connection.

It’s important to have a daily routine that can fulfill you and fill your days. Whether it’s yoga, meditation, or other ways to creatively connect with others. Tailor it to your needs and what you enjoy. Start small and simple and build gradually. It’s about practice, not perfection.

One of Amy’s mantras is “self-care is not selfish, it's essential.” When you take care of yourself, not only can you take care of others, but it’s about making you feel whole and fulfilled. Don’t take the burdens and expectations of society onto yourself. Self-care shouldn’t be a chore.

 

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Meet Amy:

Hi, I'm Amy! As a certified life coach my mission is to help single women reach their personal best in life by honoring their own self-care and helping them discover their power to lead a positive and purposeful life whether they are single by choice or circumstance.

 

I was born and raised in Honolulu, Hawaii and left at the age of 17 to attend Mills College in Oakland, CA. From there I attended and graduated with my law degree from U.C. Hastings College of the Law. I now consider the San Francisco Bay area my home. After working many years in law and financial services, I took a step towards a long-held dream of becoming a life coach. I obtained my professional coaching certification (CPC) and started my coaching business SinglEase for single women in the middle of a global pandemic.

 

I host a weekly Self-Care Saturdays for Single Women on Meetup, and am passionate about empowering women who find it difficult making their needs a priority in their own life by taking their own self-care seriously.

 

My personal approach to coaching is centered in the belief that everyone has the power to create the life they desire, and deserve the best of what life has to offer

 

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Connect with Amy!:

Website: https://www.amorikami.com

Email: info@amorikami.com

Meetup: Self-Care Saturdays for Single Women

 

 

Let’s Connect!:

 

Website:https://www.shesalivetothrive.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shesalive2thrive

Podcast: https://www.shesalivetothrive.com/podcast/

 

 

 

Why Self-Trust is a Pillar for Confidence

What does it mean to have self-trust? And why is it one of the pillars of having self-confidence. Listen along as I discuss self-trust and how you can build trust within yourself. Because if you can’t trust yourself then who can you?

Self-Care, Self-Love and Radical Self-Expression with Phylicia

In today’s episode I am talking to Phylicia Noel my friend, social worker and candle maker in her business My New Flame. Phylicia stands for self-care, self-love and radical self-expression. She joins me to talk about finding creative outlets and the importance of self-care routines.

After being offered her dream job, Phylicia didn’t think life could get any better. Unfortunately, the stress began to pile up. Taking it in stride, she began to look for a way to channel her energy. Realizing she spent a lot of money on candles, she decided to try making her own. Then her job had an employee appreciation and gave her a voucher for a candle making class. It was fate - candle making had found her.

My New Flame is an affirmation. It’s about welcoming anything new into your life and accepting what God or the universe has in store for you. It’s also about connecting with yourself and others. With everything she has going on, Phylicia makes sure to make time for self-care. It is a constant juggling act, and she has found she has needed to switch up her methods. Now, she is doing more intentional yoga and watching her nutrition a little more closely.

Self-care needs to be an intentional process; it isn’t selfish to look after yourself. You are worthy too, and if you don’t make time for yourself, your body will tell you. Society places a huge burden on women to be Superwoman and to be everything to everyone. It’s about allowing yourself rest and time with your emotions.

Take the time to check in with yourself. Ask yourself what you need to be the best version of yourself. Self-love is timeless.

 

Connect with Phylicia:

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/mynewflameco/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mynewflame_

 

 

Lets Connect!:

 

Website:https://www.shesalivetothrive.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shesalive2thrive

Podcast: https://www.shesalivetothrive.com/podcast/